No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
