you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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