id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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