Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
