I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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