We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
