I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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