i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
