Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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