it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
