What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
