I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
