It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
