He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
