ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
