im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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