my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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