a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
