dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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