Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
