epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
