he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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