Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
