My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
