i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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