I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
