I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
