in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize