Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
