I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
