i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
