I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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