the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
