We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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