i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
