I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
