i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
handjob tips. give me some.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize