i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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