Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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