Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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