I faked an abortion last night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sext me about skeletons
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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