Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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