Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How does it feel to date your dad?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
