why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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