Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
