just tell him i said nine months
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
