I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
