The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
