This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
