be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
