I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
