my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
