That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
