my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
