Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
