I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
