it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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