There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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