So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
