just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I lost the right to judge tonight
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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