Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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