All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
