Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
